My biggest obstacle in life? Motivation. Passion I have, caring I have, hard work? You bet! Perfectionism in the product? Absolutely! Motivation to get it started *sigh* It's my weakness that I need to work on. I'm picking exercising back up since it's been lagging to non-existence, combine that with my sister's excellent cooking and I'm getting fat! I know I weigh more than 185 now because last time I weighed 185lbs I still fit into most of my clothes, now, I only fit a few and they're tight too! This laziness has to go, so I've begun eating in the morning, doing a few warm ups and my stomach, thigh, etc. exercises with a pilates ball and then at night doing the full routine of yoga and then the ball again. There's no excuse for this. I've also been trying to control my appetite more. Too often I eat because my taste buds want to be stimulated and not because I'm hungry. Why is this in Chorus? In my opinion, being fit is one step closer to spirituality. Exercise, or at least my exercise routine is very cleansing. This is another bad side effect I've been having--my thinking is not as clear and concise when I stop exercising. I think clearer, my energy is up instead of flagging, making a lack of motivation a whole lot less of an obstacle, and I feel better about myself, making me more likely to focus on my spirituality and not on wishing I had more energy, vitality, motivaiton, etc.

On another note, I also need to pick meditation back up, but with work and a three year old it's so hard to fit it into my day with everything else. So, I've decided, now that I know how to meditate, I'm going to get back into practice for the next few weeks and then I'm going to move on to moving meditation. My meditation instructor said that was the next step in my practice and I suppose I should wait for him to teach me, but I don't see the harm in going into moving meditation once I get into the swing of it. Not to say I won't let him teach me anyway when the time is right, but I figure if I can exercise and meditate at the same time, then I have successfully combined two tasks I want to complete everyday in one hour instead of two, opening the other hour for something like spending more time with Michael, writing, research, reading, or whatever else have you.

I needed the message I got today, I've been trying to work up the motivation to start feeding my spirit again more than just exercise, but it's been slow and starting to feel pointless. My instructor (my meditation instructor) called today while I was at work (he is a nursing student where I work and a yogi master) for two reasons, two were school involved and the other was to give me a message. I guess he had a dream about me and he'd just woken up from it with a message. And I seem to have forgotten exactly what the message was except that it made me blush something fierce. Something to the effect that I was destined for great understanding soon that would increase my intelligence far beyond what I'm capable of now, my eyes were going to open and I was going to have a great day.

May or may not be true, but hey, it's given my motivation to do the things I want to accomplish everyday again, kind of renewed the goals so to speak.

Ja ne!

05/08/05 :: 08/30/05

Singing
Sung




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