Yep, I had all of these things under control until allergy season hit me. I got in a hardy 15 hours of meditation before my allergies started acting up. So, needless to say I've missed waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many days :/ I also need to at least pick back up my exercise routine, it's beginning to slip. The past few days have been recuperation with only occassional sneezes. Before that though my days were either spent sneezing in chains or in a benadryl/drug haze wishing I could just go to bed already.

Despite this I had an interesting dream about 2 weeks ago, and I've also had an extended deja vu experience!

First the dream. Have you ever had one of those material dreams where in the dream you get more than something you've ever thought you'd have. Usually in mine it isn't money I've found or anything, usually it's a treasure, like gold coins and precious jewels. Occassionally it's something like more anime than I could watch for many years to come or something else like that. Anyway, when you wake up, the dream was so real and so wonderful that sometimes you even try to go back to sleep to desperately try to bring those things back with you. Usually, on the few occassions (they aren't very often--I think I've had a total of three in my whole life but they are definitely memorable) I have had a dream like this, I end up being kinda grouchy, disappointed, and a little depressed to have lost them. This time, that same feeling barely got a chance to touch me before realization struck.

This realization was hard to explain. Half asleep, it was like my mind opened all the way and the knowledge came flooding in as though dumped in large amounts from somewhere above and my body felt all tingly. I was full. And it was of a kind of satisfied peace instead of a sullen disappointment. The dream, I knew, was not a tease as I had always thought, I just could never get past the disappointment to see the blessing it foretold. I knew then that the dream, or at least this particular one meant spiritual wealth. It was taking the image of wealth that my brain most easily identified with (treasure) and making it visible to me, the vanishment didn't mean I'd lost it, the vanishment was just a message that it wasn't material wealth in the first place. I'm hitting the part where it's hard to explain convincingly how I know that it meant this. This treasure in my dreams is usually found where it has always been, which is usually right under my nose, in whatever house I live in the dream, or buried shallowly in my own yard, indicating that it has always been there. It has always been there, just it had to become visible somehow for me to realize it was there and if I'd realized that sooner, I could have taken that joyful, complete filling I'd had that day everytime I was gifted one of these dreams instead of carrying the disappointment that I was still poor. I felt very open the rest of that day actually. I also had a sense that the dream foretold spiritual wealth, or a type of spiritual growth or gift to come, but then again, the spiritual fullness I felt that day may have been the gift I had the sense I was going to get because it was definitely a nice trade for the treasure in my dreams. I felt "Awake" that day.

Then, by slim comparison, there was my extended deja vu moment in which I actually saw what came after the deja vu before it happened. This is how I wrote it in my notebook when it happened: "Deja Vu 2:37 pm 06/21/04 telling Seeker (that's a friend of mine) why I'm wearing the same outfit as yesterday (I only wore it for a few hours the day before) then after he leaves asking Domy (an online friend) if she's back yet and then I got the deja vu of telling seeker what I told him and asking if Domy was back. Then, as I am telling Domy I had Deja vu I am having deja vu of telling her I had it and then Domy asks 'deja vu?'--yes, there it is (she asked it)--and then I tell her what it was and ask her if she's ever had deja vu that she had deja vu and she says no. I have to explain it clearer than I do for her to realize what I mean and she tells me I'm strange and just to test it, I follow the deja vu (except I explain what I meant better the first time around) and the rest follows my deja vu--including her saying I'm strange." Which is strange because she doesn't use the word strange for my oddities very often, in fact, I think this may have been the first time she called me strange--normally it's weird or odd or silly or something like that. Anyway, it was weird, and all of it, including what happened before it happened had that same quality of 'ultra-clear memory recall' that deja vu usually has--the one that says no, I'm not just a general memory, I may be unimportant, but I specifically happened before kind of feeling. This is the first time I've deja vued into stuff that hasn't happened yet. It was pretty neat.

Anyhow, I promise to get back on schedule soon, but I am moving within the month so I won't be making as much progress as I'd like :/

Ja ne!

--Saronai

« June 2004 ~ September 2004 »

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