Hm...
Sep 18, 2004

Okay, so I'm essentially titleless today. Oh well. Still haven't found the book or the movie, but I'm starting to feel silly for writing that entry, they must be here somewhere, why would someone take just those? *sighs*

Well, to sum up, my life is getting better again. Nicki is really close to getting a job again, I can feel it. Why wouldn't anyone hire her? She's pretty and she's got a lot of certificates for accomplishing things at a job she was only with for 9 months--this is a good point not because it's not a long time unfortunately to work for a place, but to get as many certificates as she has in that amount of time is certainly something I think. My boss Amy said she would hire her if she saw all of that in her portfolio (unfortunately Lakeview doesn't have any openings). One of the cell phone companies says they will definitely hire her but she may not start for another two weeks, so she's trying to get a small job she won't mind quiting once the cell phone place gets its act together. Good luck Nicki! I know you can do it!

Did I mention Nicki was back from Joliet by the way? I can't quite recall. Anyhow, Nicki is back and Jason is out! Yay! Sorry Jason, but it really is better for the both of us, we not only do nothing for each other, we do the opposite. I seem to make you crazy and you make me a nagging *ahem* Yeah, I prefer myself when I'm not with you, I can't stand the way I act when I am with you, it's not me and it makes me dislike myself. Needless to say, I am happier now. My apartment is not quite clean yet, and he left some stuff here (Come get it damn it! My apartment's too small to be your storage unit!), but the thing is I've been cleaning it for three days a little at a time between school work and it's not backtracking (in other words I don't clean a noticeable amount for it to look like I never touched a thing when I go to clean some more). I probably would have it already clean if my mom wasn't in town visiting (staying the night at my place). However, I'm not complaining, I've missed her, Michael really missed her and she does my dishes for me (which I don't ask her to, in fact, I usually try to stop her 'cause she's a guest but she does it anyway). My point in saying that is she doesn't just loaf around messing things up and eating over here, so having a visitor is only keeping me from cleaning, not creating more for me to clean lol. Also, I don't mean that Jason never did anything, but he should have done more for a free place to stay past when he was supposed to move out, especially when he didn't have a job. It would have been different if we were actually together, but we weren't, he was there 'cause he had no where else to go. *sighs* I don't wanna talk about that anymore. He's gone, let's move on. I wish him the best and hope that Hoopeston will be better for him than Danville, I think, despite it being 30 mins from his son and him not having a car, it will be. All of his spiritual friends are there, and they're people I trust to bring him to a higher place if he'll just trust them and not do the crap he was doing here to people. His car is there, and he can get a job there just as well as here, in fact, he already has a job there, he just doesn't know yet if his friend will be good on his word about paying him. I'm not expecting any money, I just want this because I think it is what's best for our spirits, not our pockets.

This entry is really long lol. And it's not over yet. I think I just got a really good grade on my Stats test Thursday *wishes she didn't have to wait until Monday to find out* and I got a 117/100 on my first Philosophy test (extra credit questions on Thales and Heraclitus) and I currently have the highest grade in my WXP class (which is a 98% A). And I have one workout (15 minutes left) to do by October 15th to maintain my A in the Fitness Center. Yay! In other words: School is going well. Unfortunately, I didn't receive the letter sent out about when the Japanese Culture class started that I signed up for, so by the time I found out that it had already started, it was too late. I'd missed 2 weekends out of 3 and had already been dropped. Oh well, I'll just stick to part time I guess since no other late starting class fit into my schedule except for ones that were reeeeeeeeeeally uninteresting.

On another note entirely, fate has something it doesn't want me to forget it seems. Everytime I begin to forget, fate reminds me somehow through other people. This it is an ex of mine that I am thinking of contacting again (my cousin Nicki is talking me into it). Don't get me wrong, I still don't want a man, but I'm considering because I heard he's getting a divorce so now I won't feel so funny hanging out with him again and being friends. It may have been silly or stupid, but I didn't want to hang around because I didn't want his wife to be uncomfortable--I'd dated her husband for two years not long before they met after all! And trust me, that was probably a good choice when I look at some of my female friends and how they react to old girlfriends remaining good friends with their man, especially the ones they dated for a long time.

These things fate does, they aren't small things that are just me not allowing myself to forget. I'm not talking about walking through a store and hearing "Laura and Chris your party is waiting for you at the jewelry counter" stuff--which incidently did happen soon after my cousin decided to start talking about him waving to her everytime she saw him across the street from our grandmother's at the house he bought for him and his wife (needs fixed up). She said everytime she saw Chris wave to her, he seemed to be looking around for something, like he was expecting me to walk out of the door at any time. Another time I started to forget, Dea brought him up and said it's hard for her to picture me with anyone else, even though I have a son with Jason, she always sees me and Chris together *sigh* Even my brother-in-law and my friend Bill do it, although they bring him up trying to prove to me that I was right in choosing Jason, the things they say make me miss him though (if they only knew LOL!) and they always bring him up just when I start to forget too *shakes head* Am I obsessed? I don't know. I hear he's really immature and I really don't want a man and I'm sure he's not ready to date someone with a child, it's more that I find myself kind of wanting him back in my life, just him because I don't feel like dealing with some of his asshole friends, just someone to hang out with when he wants to talk instead of party *shrugs* I'm so mental. I want the friend back now but I'm not sure how to get ahold of him, it would be really weird. I also feel stupid about contacting him out of the blue about a year ago. I'd not thought of him for awhile and then I had a bad dream about him in which something was terribly wrong (that's all I remember), I think I dreamt something reeeeeeeally bad happened to him, something he got seriously, physically hurt over and out of the blue I remembered his aol handle from years ago (at least 2 years ago) and emailed him because I was worried. He came over to visit but all I remember was that I introduced Michael to him, my son, and knew from his face that he had not read THAT email yet when he came by to visit. Later I found out from mutual friends in high school that he was getting married that weekend. I was soooooo embarrassed that I'd told him that. He probably thought I knew he was getting married and was trying to mess it all up or something. He gave me an invitation but I didn't go. Weddings are mainly for the woman and I didn't want to ruin her wedding, although there are women out there, like me, who wouldn't mind the ex being there, there are plenty of the other type out there, and there's nothing wrong with that, but I didn't want to take the chance she was one of them. I just didn't want to mar her day, even if I was no longer important to him, that didn't matter, it was that I was the ex and might make her uncomfortable, regardless of Chris' feelings, if she's the jealous type, she won't care if Chris was just my friend at that point, it would still create discomfort. I know, I just beat that into the bush with rephrasals--I'm trying to find exactly the phrase I need to explain that it wasn't about how Chris felt, it was about how she might feel just based on history. I dreamt about him again last night damn it and I don't remember it, just that it was about him and there was sadness behind it. This is so stupid to write about. It makes me sound like I'm obsessed when I'm not, I'm just worried and missing his friendship and am not being allowed to forget but unable to contact him directly. I also don't know if he'll even care. I think he does, but maybe I'm just naive. I do know that I didn't lie, apparently he can't find me, but I'll always be there for him anyway. Even if he can't see me because I think it's for the best at that point in time, if he needed me, all he would have to do is contact me, and find that I'm there. So, I'll leave the rest up to fate. Chris Perrault, if you want my friendship, it is here waiting for you to just email me. I feel like such an idiot >_<

I am feeling: Happy with a sad undertone from the last bit of entry
My son: Is at the park having fun
I am listening to: All Mine by the Dance Hall Crashers

Stolen?
Sep 15, 2004

*pouts* Yep, well, possibly stolen anyway. I can't think of any other reason I can't find them anywhere. What is it? Well, it may seem silly to you, but I live in a tiny, one bedroom apartment, that is kept relatively clean. Last time I cleaned while the ex was around, I couldn't find the two missing items. They disappeared around the time my cousin moved out (she's moved back)--no, I'm not blaming her, I'm just saying because the first one I noticed, I asked her about when she got back. Item #1 is a DVD, "The Last Unicorn" I don't really have $10 to buy it again, but I bought it because I loved it as a child and the book version was the first book I'd ever read to Michael--in fact, I began it while he was still in the womb and finished it while he was still a newborn--Michael loves the movie too. It's gone, all my movies are kept in one place, and if they aren't put back they're by the VCR/DVD player somewhere, this DVD was no where to be found. So, I asked Nicki when she moved back, thinking she may have accidently grabbed it when she grabbed her DVDs, but she says she hadn't. So where it is? I KNOW I took it with me, because Michael has already watched it at the apartment, so it couldn't have gotten lost in the move. Same thing with "The Giving Tree" a $15 hard back children's book that I absolutely love--my all time favourite as a kid and adult. I bought it to share with Michael because I had loved it so much. I make Michael put his books back on the shelf when he's done with them, and this one has been missing since before I last thoroughly cleaned the apartment with half an intent simply to find these two items. I know I brought "The Giving Tree" with me to the apartment too because I've read it to Michael since we've been there and I sat down in my corner of the kitchen at my comfy chair and contemplated coloring the pictures for Michael really nicely (but I didn't).

I don't have the money to buy these things again :( and I want them back. Where did they go? Why would someone steal them and nothing else? I really don't think it was Jason, there's plenty of things I know he'd want to take from me more than those things and he didn't--not to mention he left a bunch of his crap at the apartment when he moved out to Hoopeston yesterday *growls* all of his crap was one reason I wanted him out--the apartment is already too small.

So now I'm wondering about Nicki's ex...she had told me that he loves "The Giving Tree" so much that he showed it to her like it was some great treasure that she should wow over and told her that it was his most favourite book of all time...but what about "The Last Unicorn" ? I'm kind of hoping that, at least with the latter, Nicki was wrong about accidently grabbing it and hasn't looked yet and will discover she does have it so I can have at least one thing back that I treasure :/ That's a stretch isn't it? lol. One can hope that it would be that simple to have them again though can't they (or at least one of them)? It really sucks that they are things that Michael loves too, and things that make me happy he loves as much as me *sighs*

Well, if they are just lost, I hope they find them, if they were taken, I hope whoever did it is happy about robbing a 3 year old of $25 worth of his favourite things, not to mention his mother's favourite things too. They aught to feel ashamed! And once they do, I don't care who they are, when the regret hits, just slip them back into the apartment or back into our lives secretly and nothing ever be known what exactly happened to them. I wish~

Ja ne!

--Saronai