Looking Stupid...
Jan 21, 2005

No one likes to look stupid, if you do, may someone have pity on you. I am no exception. In fact, I hate looking stupid. Yet, with that comes another thought, if I am caught looking stupid, it will make me look even stupider to act innocent about it, or act like I wasn't in the wrong with whatever I did to look stupid or whatever. So, I'm not going to continue to argue my point if it is proven stupid to me. Likewise, if I am caught in a lie or saying bull shit, I blush and sink down and say nothing, it will only make me look dumber to carry on as though I am still right. That's precisely why, under normal circumstances, I will not claim to know anything for sure unless it has to do with my own personal feelings or thought processes. It is also why, under normal circumstances, I do not lie. I will give a smart-ass retort before I lie if I don't feel someone needs to know the truth about something (which does not work vice versa, sometimes I'm just a smart ass, it doesn't always mean I don't want to tell the truth, it just means I can't help myself *big grin*).

Soooooo what is all this leading up to? Today, I had my day spoiled, once again by the biggest jerk on the planet. Yes, congratulations Damian Delaport, I have finished formulating an opinion of you, and until further notice you are the ONLY person on my "Loathed" list (for others reading this, this guy has asked me more than once what my opinion is of him and my usual answers are along the lines that I have not been around him long enough yet to formulate much of an opinion). I don't even so much as hate anyone else, although someone I went to high school with came close to being on that list, and I still do not like him to this day, but anyway *ahem*. Why do I loathe him? Because, no one else is as intelligent as him or as good as him or as whatever as him UNLESS they totally agree with him. He does not listen to a word anyone says unless it is in agreeance with his world view. So what, lots of people are like that. But this is the first person I've met that has a habit of making you out to be the stupid one while he is almighty god. Not to mention that, when he acts this way it's like listening to a much dumber person tell you you are dumb. Grrrr. So, what was it about today? Well, today, he was waiting for my cousin at our grandmother's and they ended up in the car together and she needed to pick me up from school so I could unlock the door for her.

Enter the loaded question. He wanted to ask me something, to clear something up, if Nicki and I said it was alright. I didn't have to answer, after all, he couldn't twist our arms to make us answer, but, what time did Nicki get home last night?

I shrugged and said something along the lines of, I don't know, it was before I went to bed I thought, and I think I went to bed at 11, so maybe 9 or 10 o'clock? I don't know, I wasn't watching the clock like a hawk.

So he proceeds with this bullshit of how I'm such an honest and good cousin and I was only half an hour away from Nicki's answer and I'm so smart and Nicki and I must have ESP going on or something.

So, in turn, thinking he's about to, again, not believe us 'cause he didn't get the answer he wanted, he's going to claim we talked about what the answer would be if he asked *rolls eyes*

My response was something like yeah, we're telepathically connected and have been discussing this whole time what time we should say in response to that question *more rolling of eyes* (I think I carried the telepathy thing further but cannot remember what more dry sarcasm on it I threw in).

Then he's talking about how he's dumb and I'm so smart and I go and say "Well that remains to be proven" (him being dumb, me giving him the benefit of the doubt...grrrrr...). So when we get to the apartments Nicki finally decides to tell me that she told me what time she really got home last night. Huh? She says, I got home at four o'clock in the morning Laura, I told him the truth. Again, huh? In the few seconds Damiass allowed me before his "victory pounce" I was thinking but I went to bed at 11am and I could have sworn Michael was still up and I stood up from working on the computer to go let you in...I think I said "You did?!" o.O <--that's probably what my eyes looked like.

He said something like Oh! You deserved an oscar for that performance. Then the whole truth of HOW he was being sarcastic and what about entered my mind. My response was that I had to be acting to get an oscar dumb ass. Of course, he wasn't going to believe that, but I was still trying to get adjusted to the change in what was veiled since I really thought Nicki had been home before 11pm. Talk about disoriented. If they hadn't both said it, I could still swear to you that even though I was asleep by midnight, when Nicki got home I was on the computer and immediately unlocked the door for her as she just started to struggle with it and Michael was up watching TV. So, my next defense was that you can't expect me to know what the hell was going on at 4 in the morning, hell, I was disoriented about the news flash then, let alone when it happened! I do realize that, to him, I probably sounded like an idiot getting defensive 'cause I was caught in a lie. However, you must realize that this isn't the first time this has happened with him. He will ask you a question, and no matter how honest you are or how right you are, he will always find someway to make your opinion stupid to him, indeed, I believe he asks and brings things up with the opinion that your answer will be stupid no matter what you say UNLESS it jives with his little world where he's the good guy and anyone else who sees him differently is the bad guy, or the stupid guy. Not to mention he was making all of his insults into sarcastic compliments and not even letting me defend myself. One of his comments, oh yeah, I believe you, dreaming that happened is very common. And insisting when I called out his bull shit that he really was agreeing with me and believing me. Yeah right. Now, I did tell him something that wasn't true later, but it was the way I said it, but the way he took it was not true. I said we needed to drop it because we're both yelling and he's not listening to me and I'm not listening to him so it's pointless. I wasn't listening to him, but he thinks I am like him now, not listening to people when they say something contrary to what I say or believe, I love hearing other people's ideas, even if they don't jive with mine, but I despise having someone tell me I'm a dishonest, stupid little creep because I got woken up in the middle of sleep at 4 o'clock in the morning and told him about happy land when it doesn't exist. I DO listen to people, even when they tell me something contrary to what I said or believe (note I even said, until further notice he is the only person on my loathed list). I am open-minded enough to accept that my opinions might be wrong. He, on the other hand, has yet to prove that he's even capable of doing some of this. He has proven himself time and time again to be so closed minded about different opinions and thoughts etc. that he makes MY mind claustrophobic! Ugh!

It's so bad that his ONLY redeeming feature so far seems to be that he only acts this way because he most likely suffers (immensely so) from an inferiority superiority complex. For those that don't know that's when you feel extremely inferior to everyone else around you and your main defense is to hide it by pretending to be superior to everyone around you. I could bet I'm right on the money with him too, of course, he'd never admit it. I am also a stickler for not letting an illness or fault be your excuse. Sure, it has to be sometimes, but the best you can do is to try to overcome it, to surpass it, not let it bring you down and nurse it so that it stays strong and healthy within you. It's pretty sad that this seems to be his only redeeming feature.

As an end note, if I wanted to lie for Nicki, I wouldn't have in this case. If I'd have known she got home so late these would have been my two answers to your "simple question"
1. Why the hell does it matter, you broke up with her remember?
and likely, if I'd have said that I would have followed it up with:
2. She came home really late, I was already in bed and she was out with Eric, getting over your sorry ass. She said she didn't sleep with him, but what should that matter anyway, you broke up with her! So, why are you here again? (Okay, maybe not really, right now I'm mad, then, I would have said that, but a little more tactfully lol)

She said she didn't sleep with Eric, and I believe her. However, she also told me that Damian had dumped her. I'm not afraid of his ass, so why the hell would I lie to cover her when she wasn't doing anything to need to be covered. His response would probably be that she lied. That still doesn't matter with what we were discussing. The fact is, she told me he dumped her and they were no longer together, so what would be the purpose in giving her an alibi to prove she wasn't cheating??

Nicki, long ago you asked me what I thought of him and I wouldn't give you a straight, plain and simple answer. If you read this, you now have my answer. I will continue to be civil when he is around and from here on out, I will refuse to talk to him. If he asks if he can ask a question, the answer will be no, I refuse to answer based on the proven fact that everytime I do, if you don't like or agree with my answer, then I'm suddenly a liar. You don't care about my opinion or statements unless it mirrors your thoughts and assumptions. My answer is unimportant, a bunch of air he doesn't hear unless and more importantly HOW he wants to hear it (interpret it). If I do answer any more of his questions, it will be because I feel like being a smart ass. Talking to him and answering him is pointless, he's already decided what the answer is and doesn't care what anyone else thinks, especially if they are in disagreeance with his answers.

I'm probably repeating myself because I'm writing this while working on something else so I can't remember everything I wrote before hand. I can't believe I insisted on trying to validate my honesty with someone who could care less, I only succeeded in making myself angrier and look as dumb and intolerant as he is. I refuse to play his games anymore and be accused of being stupid, dishonest, dumb, etc. when I open my mouth, so, I don't have to talk to him. There's no point in it anyway.

By the way, Damian, what Nicki has told me that you've done, and the things I've seen you do to her (and I'm not necessarily talking physical, there's a such thing as emotional abuse), are only the icing on the cake of why I loathe you right now. I still would not like you even if you didn't do those things to her and you were just someone I met somewhere random.

Incidently, my brother-in-law used to be just as bad about arguing stupidly and not listening to others. However, he was more forgiveable because, when he did it, he was trying to save face because he genuinely wanted other people to like him. In other words, he didn't have the superiority thing going on, he just didn't want to look stupid and didn't realize that arguing was only making him look even more stupid.

Last note and I promise I'll drop it (he'll likely never read this and if he does he will not bother to listen to what I'm saying and if he does, it will only be to twist it about and change its meaning to things unintended anyway)--If I'd wanted to be stubborn about it, I definitely would have stayed in the car, it was not his car and he had no right to try to kick me out. Incidently, I was already on my way leaving when he jerked to the side and stopped, it was only a park walk away from work and I reeeeeeeeeeeally needed to cool down before I got there, walking was a good way to do it. So, too bad jerk, you didn't punish me, me staying in there and being stubborn and having to be around your negative energy would have been a LOT worse. My only regret was that I was so angry by that point that you'd already driven off before I had a chance to worry about how you would treat Nicki because of it in my absence.

I hope the sky falls on you one day and you come to your senses you arrogant little worm. Then, maybe one day, I can have something complimentary to say about you.

--Saronai

PS for those of you that think this seems off the handle, I cannot stress enough that I actually enjoying hearing differing opinions, even if they don't jive, or even contradict mine, it keeps me evaluating my own, but if you're going to be closed minded, accusatory (did I just make up a word?), and insulting, then don't even bother, you'll lose my respect and I won't even bother talking to you (unfortunately, listening is so second nature to me that I would not ignore good points or explanations if I were to hear them, but I would continue to ignore you by all outside appearances). Also, I am forgiving, if Damian were to change and not be so vindictive and more open minded (of course, he'll have to work many times harder at it than anyone else to prove it), then slowly he would gain my respect back. Until then, dirt has more of my respect, for whatever that's worth.

I would like to thank one of my bosses, Amy, for deciding to read and laugh at something funny I printed out for her to read last week soon after I got there and she saw my mood. Her laughter at the list of new puns/plays on words, and bringing them up for me to enjoy again, helped defuse much of the remaining anger I still had in me after my walk. I'd also like to thank Domy for posting them in the first place so that I could give them to Amy to do that, and I'd like to thank whoever put it in their LJ for Domy to find for it to get to me and then to Amy. You're a gem Amy, Domy, and LJ person ^_^ (yes, now I'm just being silly lol, though I do appreciate it).