Ethereal Dragonfly Chapter One
November 9 ,2002
"This card represents you." Sarah sets a card labled 'The Page of Cups' in the middle of the table between us.
I look up at her for an explanation.
"The page of cups represents a young person with blonde hair and blue eyes."
"But I have green eyes, and besides," I point to the card and smirk a little, "That's a guy."
"Really? I hadn't noticed any difference." She looks at me shrewdly.
I glare at her in return and she laughs, I can't help but smile in response.
We exchange a few more insults before she turns serious again and sets a new card over the last one. "The Star" She reads the name of the card like it explains everything.
"You look so enlightened and mysterious when reading," I tease again, but she decides to ignore me this time.
"This card covers the situation at hand. See how the woman in the picture reaches out trying to touch the biggest star in the sky?" She points to a young, naked woman, crouched in front of a pool of water, her back turned to us, her right hand reaching out to the sky, the profile of her face is an odd blend of desire and sadness. I wonder at the ability of the artist to capture such an expression.
"This card represents a deep, almost overwhelming desire for something. But..." Sarah pauses a moment to study the card again. "Her face shows she feels what she wants cannot be attained, it's too far from her grasp. Might as well reach for the stars in the sky." Sarah moves to point to the thick, blonde braid snaking down the woman's back, sinking into the grass behind her. "See her braid?"
I nod.
"There is energy in her to reach, but her braid seems to be falling to the ground in defeat." She points to the woman's left hand. "And her left hand is firmly rooted to the ground beside her, showing she has a firm grasp on reality, but her left hand stretching out to the heavens, proves that grasp is not strict, and it does waver at times."
I shake my head a little in confusion. "So what's that mean?" I wasn't prepared to actually think through what the cards were saying, I had asked her to read tarot for answers, not explanations. I try to focus on getting the meaning from her explanations.
"You're dense sometimes, ya know that?" She glares at me playfully. "It means that the situation regarding the question you want to know the answer to, has something to do with a great desire you have.
My skin wants to shiver a little at her accuracy. I hadn't even told her what my question was, but she was eerily close. I shrug it off. What did I expect? That could apply to anything just about, it doesn't have to do with what I want to know. She has my more serious attention now though, as I intend to either learn about something that bugs me on a daily basis, and therefore, be made a believer of stuff like this, the stuff Sarah is into. Or, have confirmed what I always thought about this stuff, just a hoax, a cheap, but fun party trick at best.
"Oh," I say, as Sarah shows no signs of going on until she gets some kind of response out of me.
She smiles, shakes her head, and flips over the next card, setting it sideways on top of the other two. "This card can be one of two things. It is either someone or something that represents an obstacle to your situation, which can quite possibly be yourself," she throws a meaningful look at me before continuing. I shrug it off, knowing she is only teasing me. "Or, it can be someone or something that will help you out in the situation." She looks down to study the card again.
I study it with her this time. It shows a young man in a straw hat, chewing on a piece of grass, shoulders slumped as he trudges down a paved path. His eyes look to the right, away from the path, and into a mountain range with sadness.
"Page of Swords. This is likely an obstacle, but meeting such a person as this might help you out." Sarah shrugs. "He travels the road, but looks at the mountains, which seem to represent high aspirations that need work to climb. He's taking the easy path, but wanting the rewards of the hard one." She points to something I hadn't noticed, a man ahead, and to the left of the young one, has a large hammer raised over an anvil, smithing a scrap of metal, I squint to make out perhaps a sword? He is frowning at the young man on the path.
"The sword this man is forging is an image of hard work and dedication. It took both to make a sword in those days. He is frowning at the youth. Which I think means that the man is meant to represent hard work and dedication, not a man frowning. So, hard work and dedication frown on this guy." She points again, to the youth walking down the path. "He is probably lazy as well as a dreamer." She points again, to the mountains, to illustrate the last theory.
I look back up at her, "So, I will be helped, or hindered by a lazy bum with his head in the clouds?" I laugh a little, but my heart is not in it. I don't want her to know that I feel myself in that card. I've often thought myself too lazy, and just as often find I'm angry at myself for it. And this isn't the first time I've been accused of being a dreamer. I do think that I still have my feet on the ground though, at least after a particular daydream is done.
It's like having two voices in my head when I'm dreaming, one that tells me the story I want to experience, and the other that brings me back to earth when it's over, or at various points during the story at times. I reflect back on the second card, it definitely covers my situation. If this stuff is true, then this lazy bum with his head in the clouds, my obstacle, is me, or at least the qualities of this guy. I stop chewing on the inside of my cheek and look up to realize that Sarah is going on about the next card.
"Wait," I laugh a little, "Could you start over? With that card I mean? I was trying to think if I knew anyone like that." I point at the last card.
Sarah rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "This card represents the distant past." She doesn't restrain the note of exasperation in her voice as she points to a card she's placed slightly below the pile of the first three. It is upside down, at least from my view. "If you'd been listening, you'd know that already." She glares at me.
"I love you Sarah." I grin and laugh.
"Yeah, uhuh." A slight smile touches her lips before she gets it under control. "Now shut up and listen."
"Uh!" I act shocked.
She glares at me. "I said shut up." She laughs.
"Anyway, It's Two of Wands, reversed. Wands usually represent a fight of some kind, or spirit in action. This card would be the lack of it. See how this man uses a staff to fight two others? The other two could represent people, or they can simply be conflicts the man wants to defeat, overcome. He is grinning and see how he fights with finessé?"
"So my distant past shows a reverse of this?"
"Yes, according to the cards, you've experienced a lack of fight in the past, giving up without a fight, or with very little fight. And you aren't happy about it, or you weren't happy about it. Probably still not. You know what I mean." She laughs, but this time it sounds a little strained to me. "This also indicates that in the distant past, you found yourself often bored, unchallenged. So, perhaps it isn't laziness that causes your lack of thrill for the fight. That's it. I think this card is saying that you've discovered a lack of motivation in the past, and therefore experienced a lack of action. So it's not really laziness..."
"Don't worry about it Sarah," I say, shaking my head. That last part did make me feel better about myself though. As a matter of fact, I found that it was true. I am lazy, but it's usually due to a lack of motivation, not pure laziness. I figure that must be why I hate that aspect of myself so much. But how do I get motivated enough to change it. I shrug. "You're not offending me." I chuckle, recalling the way she sped through the last of her words, trying to ease the blow of saying I was lazy. "Besides, that's the distant past right?" I grin.
She catches on. "I don't know, sometimes I think you've never grown out of your laziness." She reaches across the card table and playfully punches me on the arm.
"Meany."
She sticks out her tongue at me and flips over the next card, placing it to the left of the first three. "This card is the recent past. Knight of wands, again, reversed." Again, she pauses to study the card.
I lean over to study it with her. It is another upside down card. The man pictured has long, amber hair, he wears a suit of leather armor With green accents. He is poised as if finishing a killing move with his long, wooden quarter-staff. There is a grin on his face, he looks ready to fight anything.
"This is a card of energy and the thrill of battle, perserverance. See all the green in the card?"
I look down at the card again, for the first time noticing all the green in it. The grass at the bottom, the flags on the castle way in the background, the leafy trees behind him, the accents in his armor, even a bit of rough sprigs with new leaves sprouting off them on his weapon.
"Green is the color of life and energy, this card is full of it. The reverse, on the other hand, indicates a lack of energy and a loss of thrill for life, or boredom with it. A tendency to give up instead of fighting onward, even if it is to the last, ending in loss. It might indicate a lack of a sense of adventure, or, perhaps, more aptly, since this is a card of perserverance, a giving up on finding ways to make life less boring for some reason." She gives me a puzzled look, as if seeing me for the first time.
I laugh nervously at her and squirm a little. "Go on, the past is past right?"
She shrugs, almost imperceptibly, and places another card on the table, this one is slightly above the first three. "This crowns you. In other words, it is the best you can get out of the situation." She pauses to read the card. "The Magician. This is a card of mastery. See the book before him? That represents knowledge. At each of the four corners of the book of knowledge, is one of the four symbols in tarot. A cup, for love and compassion; emotions," she points to the a gold wine glass at the top left corner of the book that sits in the middle of a black, circular table, facing the magician. "A disc for wealth. That can be wealth of any or all kinds, spiritual, money, stuff like that," her fingers moves to rest over a ciruclar, metallic object, its design reminds me a lot of a ripple on a pond. "A staff for fight, energy, perserverance." She points to the staff in his right hand. "And a sword, representing mastery over strife and pain. This can also serve as a warning as well, however." She looks up at me, her face serious. "In order to gain mastery over pain and strife, you have to experience it first. Keep that in mind."
I look down at the card again and shiver. So far her reading has made me a believer, but maybe she always knew what I was really like, perhaps I'm more transparent than I seem?
"Do you want me to go on?"
"Huh? Oh, of course," I smile. "No sense in stopping now, gotta know what happens right?" I laugh cheerfully.
"Ok...if you're really alright." She flips another card over, placing it to the left of the first three. "This is possible future events that may effect the final outcome, or cause it."
I shiver deeper than I ever had before at the image of a black cloaked rider, weilding a scythe, and riding a pale horse. His bony visage looks back at me, and I can almost see him grinning with malice.
Death. The name of the card.
"Now, this card doesn't mean what it says," Sarah rushes into the explanation, perhaps knowing what I am thinking. "Death is not a card of death, well, not as people usually think of the word. This card usually signifies a very big change, like a life-changing event would have. It is not a card of mortal death, but one that signifies the death of old ideas, and therefore the birth of new ones. It's more like a card of Death, life, and rebirth in ideas and such, ways of thinking, acting, living. Sometimes, it might signify the death of someone you know that could cause such a change, but normally it's just the death of old ideas and beliefs, stuff like that." She doesn't spend anymore time getting more meaning through the picture.
I nod, still feeling like the image's cold breath is on the back of my neck, prickling the little hairs back there, even through my loose, thick hair that is covering it.
Sarah turns over the next card, this one, she places to the right of all the others before it, slightly lower than the fourth card, the Two of Wands. "The Hangman. See how he hangs by his feet, and yet his hands are clasped peacefully before him, and there is a smile on his face. A position of discomfort he is in--"
I laugh, unable to help myself, she looks up at me, her brows knitted together. I clear my throat. "Sorry, continue Yoda."
She scowls, but turns her attention back to the cards. "He's in a position of discomfort, but seems to be at peace with it, or at least he is not fighting it, nor is he unhappy with it. He seems to completely trust the situation and go with the flow. This is you in the situation regarding your question, how you handle things."
She doesn't wait before turning over the next card, placing it just above the last. "Knight of Swords. This is someone involved in the situation, someone who may effect the outcome. The swords are a sign of strife--I think I said that earlier?" She shakes her head and continues. "Anyway, this is a person, most likely a young man, or at least not an old one, who has suffered a lot, or is suffering a lot, or will when he effects the outcome. Something like that."
I take a closer look at the picture. It is of a man, with an angry face, and long, dark brown hair, pulled back in a half pony-tail. He is fully facing me, a broadsword in both hands. He wears no armor, and he is slunk down in such a way that it looks as though he is ready to pounce on his victim like an angry hunting cat. Again, I find myself marvelling at the ability of the artist to portray such things.
"This man is very touchy, very moody, full of anger and mistrust. The fact that he wears no armor shows confidence, as well as vulnerability. This guy will probably play a major role in the situation, and he is full of thorns, you must get past this sword to take advantage of the vulnerability."
I nod again, not knowing what else to say about it, except that I hope never to meet him, he sounds like a real pain to have to deal with.
She flips over another card, placing it above the dark knight. "The Devil. This card represents either your hopes or fears regarding the situation. Considering that it's a bad card, I'm guessing it's your fears. Either that, or you have really twisted hopes." She grins at me. "This card represents bondage," we both snicker and then laugh at the unison. "Anyhow," Sarah continues, still chuckling, "This card represents enslavement, constriction, loss of freedom, perhaps due to too much focus on material gains. There is both a man, and a woman, naked, bared for all to see what they really are, chained to the devil's figure in the middle. The discs on their chains clue in the idea that too much focus on material gain caused this loss."
I raise my eyebrows and nod my head again at this, it sounds pretty much like what I fear. So far, I am only mildly happy with the reading. It at least sounds like life is about to get more interesting, but it also sounds like I have a lot of hard work ahead in order to avoid 'The Devil.'
"This is the last card," Sarah says as she turns over one more card, placing it above my fears. "The Outcome, of it all if you continue on your present path. The Wheel of Fortune. Bad fortune or good, the wheel suggests an infinite number of possibilities, either good or bad."
I quirk an eyebrow at her, not believing what I think she's saying.
"That's right. It's a turn of the wheel, a game of chance--"
"They don't know." I state, my voice flat, matter-of-fact.
Sarah laughs, "Right, they don't know." She yawns and stretches. "Now I'm worn out. What'd ya think?"
My eyebrows lift a little. "It was interesting..."
"Are you a believer?"
"Let's just say I no longer think it's all a crock of shit." I smile. "You're pretty good at it." For a moment I feel a twinge of sadness, my little voice inside whispers a wish that I could be good at that, but I don't think I could pull it off. I find myself yawning and stretching as well, tossing my head from side to side to unkink my neck muscles. "I'm tired, let's go to bed now." I toss a look at the clock on the left wall of her bedroom.
"Lazy!" She laughs.
"You bet," I yawn again.
Sarah echoes me and we both stand up at the same time.
"Let me just pull out the air mattress for you and some extra blankets." She shivers a little and rubs her arms. "I didn't realize it was so chilly in here."
Saronai
Recorded
